Lets talk about Death......

Death....so many feelings and questions are conjured up regarding this topic. Death is the only guarantee in life. You are not guaranteed your civil liberties, you are not guaranteed to love, you are not guaranteed to be warm, safe and well fed....but you are guaranteed to die. 

Our Western views of death have created a lot of fear of what we consider the unknown. Will we lose consciousness? Will there be a great big black hole that whisks us up into oblivion? Will our churches, where we seek refuge and solace, be correct? Will there be an angel or a loved one there to greet us as we cross from this world to the next? Will there be a purgatory? Or will the gates to God be closed from us, if we have sinned? Can our loved ones hear us from the other side, even if we are still alive? 

Clients seek my aunt and I out asking for answers to some of these questions. My first response is always the same: I am not a medium. My first and primary focus is on your well being. I will not promise to channel a "master spirit" for you ( I find it funny that no one ever channels entry level spirits) and I will most certainly not promise you a visit from a loved one you are seeking out. I do not hold objects of deceased people and ask them to come forth. I am not speaking out against this sort of mediumship, I am simply stating that is not what Renee or I do. 

That said, there are times during sessions when someone who has crossed (from the spirit world) comes forward and asks that we pass along a message. Sometimes the messages are loud and clear. Other times messages are not transparent to the client. We have had clients not understand a message and then reach out to a parent or sibling. More times than not, the message is confirmed. 

Back to death. What I can tell you is that when we depart, we shed the shell we have used throughout this lifetime. Shedding that shell releases a lot of worries and notions that were attached to it. Most of us want relief and happiness, but the life we lead here can feel like it's holding us back from being or acting like the person we wish we could have manifested. I do not have inside scoop, but what I will tell you after the years of speaking with those departed, they have a fresh perspective of their life here on earth.  On earth we can get lost in the daily grind. The departed are relieved of those burdens and are able to see with a  clear and non partial perspective. 

Some clients have unresolved issues with those that have passed. Possibly unhealthy relationship(s) they faced here in the physical world. Others mourning over the loss of a child or another loved one. Some believing that the person they lost were taken far too soon. 

So what do we do with all of these feelings? I have never had a visit from a departed love one who was looking to finish an argument. Those departed who come forth are full of love and empathy for those they left behind. Regret for the hurt they were instrumental in creating, but also grateful for the journey with their family and friends. 

Most importantly, the loved ones are able to see what they were intended to learn. They have a clear view of how their actions influenced those around them, both positive and negative. 

Those who have children who have passed, I still struggle with myself. One couple we worked with lost a daughter unexpectedly. It was sudden and completely unexpected. Their daughter was young, roughly the age of my daughter at the time. The daughter's soul came and visited me before I knew of the parents. I explained to this spirit if she wanted me to work on her parents, she would need to set it up. The deceased daughter, soon after, orchestrated the parents contacting me. The sessions brought some peace to their family. Their departed daughter was happy and well on the other side. She felt she lived the journey she was supposed to. The daughter passed along messages confirming current events in her family. Spirits pass along information to validate they can see you and are with you, even though you can not see them. I cannot say the message from the daughter filled the void that family had, but I do believe it relieved the parents of wondering if their beloved daughter was in pain. To hear she was well and happy on the other side, lessened their burdens. 

When my grandmother passed this last fall....I thought I was ready. She had been ill for quite some time. She had Alzheimer's  and failing health. Due to flawed family circumstances, I was unable to see her the last four years of her life. There had not been a day that passed, that my Grandmother didn't cross my mind. I remember the night before Grandma left for her trip. I had a sense that that would be the last time I would see her...and it was. 

Upon Grandma's passing, I surprised myself. Knowing what I have learned, seeing what I see and being a part of so many clients' experiences, I was taken aback by my rage. My pain of being robbed of Grandma's final moments here on earth. Angry at the lack of opportunity to say goodbye. Most might think I would see my Grandmother or have a visit from her and that would ease my loss. 

What I mourned wasn't Grandma freeing herself from an afflicted body. I was mourning the loss of the woman who got up early in the mornings to have my tea ready, my homemade tortillas piping hot from the stove waiting for me. I yearned for the woman who yelled in Spanish, since English wasn't a second language she embraced. I missed her simple touch that eased the aches.  The aches that medicine alone couldn't alleviate. Mostly, I just missed her. 

Death for those of us left behind, truly is a loss. It's the loss of what we know. The loss of what we thought could be. We are left with a hole to fill. Those that have departed, most often, have moved on and are ready for their new journey on the other side. Those remaining here on earth are left to pick up the pieces. 

Death really is a loss and a finality to life as we know here on earth. I am not going to try and convince you that I am able to speak with those that have departed. There may be an explanation I am unaware of that allows me to receive so called messages...and sometimes, there are things that happen in life we have no explanation for.


What I will tell you is from my experience it is OK to mourn the dead. It is OK to be sad at the loss of their presence in your life. And it is OK to move on and fill the empty holes with new forms of happiness, because life continues whether we agree to it or not. Receiving messages from the other side can be helpful, but it is not a cure. The messages are a tool to be used in our healing process. 


I have heard since I was a small child that our deceased loved ones are our angels and are always present. I do believe that our loved ones, when able, are there looking out for us from the other side. I believe all we need to do is ask for their assistance and they will help. Their messages may not be what you want, but they are there. People come to me often asking if I can see their loved ones. They feel helpless to receive messages without the aid of a medium or healer. My response is: we all have what we need. When you are ready to sit quietly, and be open to the message, they will deliver. They always do!


Dedicated to a friend Steve who recently lost his father.

Jill Benson